17 months

Dear Asa,

What happened to my baby? Was he swallowed by this giant toddler I see before me? For you are certainly that, a toddler. You have sneakers and real jeans with a zipper and a button. You have hair that sticks out at all angles and scrapes on yours knees. You eat popcicles and feed yourself. You have opinions and ideas and your very own quirky personality. It's amazing love, truly.

(Asa blue)

One of the cutest changes this month is that you have begun to recognize what is on your clothes and PJs. You have a pair of jammies with firetrucks and ambulances on them. One morning, after just waking, you sat on the couch with your morning baba sort of distractedly waving your arms in the air and looking around. And then you saw it, the truck on your arm. You froze. "Tuk tuk? Tuk tuk?" And when you realized that yes, they were indeed tuk tuks you came running over to show me. Ever since then you look on your clothes to see if they have anything interesting on them. A favorite of yours right now is the shark shirt. Every time I put it on you say "raawr!" because it seems logical that something with so many teeth would roar. I feel ya babe.

(put the hat on mom)

This month we spent our first ever night apart. Can you believe it? Nine months in, 17 months out and every single night together. Until now. I was in Portland photographing a wedding and visiting your Aunty Mar, your grandpa and yaya Murray and your good buddy Connor and his parents. It was a fabulous quick trip, but it was hard leaving you. As soon as I pulled out of the drive way I just sobbed. I can't even say why really. I knew you were happy and safe with your dad, I was excited for my upcoming adventure, all was well. But there's something about that separation, that initial tearing apart that ripped into me. When I came home though, there you were. Happy, naked, grubby and smiling - my boy! My heart melted to see your bright shining face again, I raced through the front door, ready to scoop you up.....when you saw your grandma, or "Ammaw" as it were. You scooted right around me with a big side step to the right and ran directly into your grandma's arms. It was adorable, if not a tad stinging. You love your grandma very, VERY much. But later that night, when I was getting you to bed, I held you in my arms and said "baby, I sure did miss you" You laid your head on my shoulder, wrapped your arms around me as far as they would stretch and, patting me, said "mama, my mama" and snuggled right in. I think it was the best moment of my life.

You started hugging lately, though I think that night was your first. And the best part of the hugs is that pat. It must be because I am always patting your back, and the feeling of your little hands reaching as far as they can with a little pat pat pat on my side, my shoulder, my back is just the best. You've also started jumping and that is just the funniest sight. I never stopped to think about all the complicated components, the precise movements that make up a jump. First you get down real low, bending your knees. Sometimes it's too low, a complete squat that doesn't allow you to get any air. Sometimes it's only a cursory bend, for show not for bounce. But sometimes, sometimes you get it just right with that perfect slight bend to the knee. The arms play a big part in your jump and the timing involved in coordinating the upward arm swing with the flexing leg bend is incredible. Often your arms will swing too early or too late, causing a sort of jerking plop of the body. When you're trying real hard you can even knock yourself over with these flapping arms. But when you get it right, when the timing is on its the combination of these flapping arms and those bending knees that propel you upward, pushes you skyward, your toes even leave the ground. Occasionally. Jumping is hard business, but your are determined. I can hear you in your room jumping in your crib some mornings after you've woken up but before you've called for me to come get you. The tell tale thump-thump-WHACK on the wall that is the bar of your crib slap-slapping on the wall. What's great about it though is that you can hold on to the railing and bounce on the mattress, making this whole vertical jump thing a lot easier. It does seem to confuse and upset you a tiny bit when I finally lift you out and you try to continue with the jumping though. One step, er jump, at a time.

This month you were sick with a nasty cough that lasted for weeks. It was horrible to hear, but amazing to watch. No one would ever have guessed that you were sick unless they heard that awful, retching cough. Your appetite was the same, your attitude was the same and your energy was, well, exuberant. Which is to say the same. You also learned how to open the fridge by yourself. You plant yourself in front of it, grip the handle with both hands and force all of your might back on it. You strain and grunt with the effort, body shaking, face turning red. And right when I think you're not going to be able to pry it loose, the suction pries loose and there it goes. You usually pick something in there, grab it and close the door again, only to repeat the process to open the door once more and replace the item. I like to encourage this game near bedtime, it's quite a little work out.

(I see you)

Another interesting change this month is your new found clingy-ness. Always my little independent boy, this is new to me. Especially in crowded situations, when we're around lots of unfamiliar people, you ask to be picked up, a little frantically, and as soon as you're in my arms its "mama, mama, mama!" You point directly at my face and look around at the strangers, imploring them with every new "mama" to recognize that I am your mama. There is such a sense of urgency involved, much like when you see or hear a truck and we all have to acknowledge it's passing too. Only this is ratcheted up a notch. You seem to do it right when you're uneasiest, right when you begin to feel overwhelmed or insecure. And all it takes to calm you down is to point out that this person right here is my mom and my mom only and as soon as someone else recognizes this too "yes, that's your mama Asa" you are fine again. You wiggle right out of my arms and hit the floor running, ready to continue playing now that the whole mom business is cleared up.

One of the things you love best in the world these days is to look at yourself in the mirror and do things. Mostly you like to put on different hats and look at them on you in the mirror, but lately you've been bringing things back there to sit on, or drum on or eat, all while watching yourself in the mirror. It cracks your dad and I up! You are so intent, so interested, so unabashedly into yourself! And you'd prefer to do this alone. You like it if someone else dresses up with you, but if we're hanging there just watching you are not at all pleased. Sometimes if there happens to be an article of clothing near you, usually mine or your dad's, you will work that into your show right away. You try to put on clothing by grabbing a piece in both hands and pulling it around you neck. The article of clothing usually ends up draped over your shoulders, kind of like a scarf. To walk into my bedroom and see you sitting there on one paint can, drumming on another wearing nothing but my nightgown as a scarf and your dad's hat on your head is the best thing ever. It may embarrass you someday, but I've already decided that I'll have to sneak up on you and film you doing this someday. It must be archived. It's just too good. I'm sorry.

(little cowboy or small stockman?)

Your favorite things to eat lately are yogurt (though only if you are allowed the bowl and spoon all to yourself, no help from mom) and blue berries. You love tiny PB&J's and scrambled eggs which you call "didgits" or dip-its because you get to dip them in a pile of ketchup. I've been making you popcicles this summer in those little plastic molds just like I had when I was a kid. You drink water from a cup and you use a spoon. You help me get you dressed some days and you assist in putting the groceries away every time. Your favorite movie is UP and you've learned that picking flowers and bringing them to mom almost always gets a good reaction. You know that after I take a picture of you with my digital camera that you can see yourself on the screen in back and you actually are gentle with the cat most days. Now, if we could just get a handle on this whole sharing business....maybe next month?


Love,
Mom

A current list of your words:

mom - mama
dad - dada
bottle - baba
Papa John - papa
Grandma - ammaw
Drew - Doooo
Dalbo - Dado
Steve - deeve
Tahvo - tahbo
truck - tuk tuk
tractor - tracthar
wheel - weeew
ball - ba
clock - tock tock
thank you - day du or daint do
no - nonono
all done - a'don
rock - dock
blue berry - babu
hammer - boom boom
apple - apoe
banana - anana
dip it - didgit
phone - hewow hewow (like hello hello)
balloon - bawooo
hi - hiii
bye bye - ba bye
chip - dgip
melon - nenon
book - bok bok
bird - booood
moon - mooooon
tree - teee
dog - dag
cat- tat
poo poo - poo boo
buddha - boobah
angel - jhool
bug - buda
duck - dudt
didgeridoo - doo doo doo